Just stand back and I’ll show you how it’s done.

I’ve done it before with years of experience in the parenting game.  A slight gap of a generation, but how hard can that be?  Just pick up the reins and back in the saddle.  So I’m a grandfather charged with looking after a couple of boys for a couple of days while my daughter resumes her career as a nurse in ‘accident and emergency’ at Atherton Hospital.  They are aged one and three with completely different skill sets.  The younger quite aware that negotiating a flight of stairs going down head first has already resulted in negative results and much pain, but persists anyway, and the elder quite sure he is master of the universe and can’t go wrong.  Until it does.  I really can’t remember my girls being so reckless.  

The first day I had them in my sole care went pretty well, though I had forgotten how constant the demand for attention is and the possibilities of disasters if you look away for too long.  Even when to go to the loo has to be artfully chosen when the kids are asleep, or well engaged with some activity.  But I thought I things pretty well under control, and when Alice got back from her shift, both kids were asleep and I had restored some order to the house and had dinner mostly prepared.  I was pretty pleased with myself and trying desperately to impress my daughter with my domestic skills.  No problemo!  Alice and the kids stayed at Possum Valley overnight and I rediscovered the fun little kids have in the bath, although constant vigilance was required to prevent Henry from accidentally drowning his little brother.  I ended up nearly as wet as the kids.

Second day started pretty early before 6 am with Henry awake and cracking up because Alice was going off for her early shift.  Her solution was to stuff the complaining infant wrapped in blanket into my bed.  It worked.  The novelty of the situation stunned him to silence and nearly an hour passed quietly, though he was awake and wriggling frequently.  Then Philip cracked up and the hustle-bustle of the day was on with changing nappies and getting some breakfast into them.  I thought I might have my breakfast a bit later at a convenient moment.  You parents out there are way ahead of me here.  With two little kids there is no such thing as ‘a convenient moment’.  Another thing forgotten.  No breakfast for me.  

By now my novelty value with Henry had worn off and he thought he had my measure.  He started testing me.  When I politely asked him to not do something, like grabbing his baby brother’s clothes in his teeth and dragging him round the floor like a dog, he looked me straight in the eye and did it again.  I did a more forceful reprimand and he did it again.  I did remember the first rule of parenting.  Avoid conflict, let little things slip, but when important issues come up, win.  To give in to an infant emotionally bullying you is the road to ruin.  He had backed me into a corner so I smacked him.  Not proud, and it hurt me more than him, but he is never going to know that.  I had Alice’s support and permission for that last resort.  When Alice came back after her second shift, neither of the kids had had an afternoon sleep and I didn’t feel as though I had best managed the day.  As Alice and I were talking Philip let out an almighty howl from under the table.  Henry had deeply bitten his foot so that you could see the forensic evidence of his every tooth.  There was considerable contusion and instant bruising.  I was very surprised that the skin was not broken.  By now you probably think I am painting Henry as the villain, but no, he is responding to his feelings of jealousy as the baby seems to get more attention.  This is an example of the complex minefield that parents negotiate on a daily basis.

I have had another couple of days of child care since then.  I think I have remembered what it is all about and I have been able to get down and dirty.  There are no perfect days, but I think I am getting up to speed.  Let chaos reign and fun begin.

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